Dark Haired Children
by halfwhisper
Summary: Jacob Black is haunted by vivid dreams of the girl he loves - pale, furious, deadly. But she knows her feelings now and despite her approaching nuptials, Jacob is convinced he can save her. 'Until your heart stops beating' was a promise.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N:** I'll be updating this once a week on _Tuesdays_. Special thanks to my beta, ~majestamoniet.

- chapter one -  
_and i might see you in my nightmares  
well, how did you get there?  
cause we were once a fairytale_

Jacob dove into the waves, propelling himself through the water as fast as was inhumanly possible—but still not fast enough. He could see Bella floating so many feet away—pale and lifeless, her brown hair circling her head like an extinguished halo—and he feared that he was too late. But then he was kneeling on the shore, pressing two shaking hands into her chest, pumping life back into her body, commanding her sharply to, "Breathe!" And she was gasping beneath him, her eyes flying open. Water spurted from the corners of her mouth.

"What are you, crazy?" he asked, but his voice was an echo, far off and fading. Where had they been before those moments of fear, choppy waters, and then—finally—relief?

He closed his eyes, but when they opened again, he was gripping the edge of a fancy sports car, his skin vibrating. _Please, Bella. I'm begging_. The day had been filled with close calls, with almost-kisses, with cuddling in his car, and he hadn't thought there was anything that could put a stop to Jake and Bells at its simplest. She wasn't ready to love him yet, but he could feel it—soon she could be. A stupid phone call had changed all that.

"For Charlie." So what if the leech wanted to kill himself? He left and Jacob was still there, hopeful, and loving, and warm. "For me."

And then she was gone, and only the stench of burned rubber lingered. Jacob wandered towards the woods, but he couldn't even phase. He just trudged forward with sad eyes and a lack of purpose. That was when he realized that Edward Cullen stole everything. For months, he had robbed Bella of happiness. In a matter of seconds, he had robbed her of her selflessness, her caution. Her father was at a funeral, mourning the loss of a friend, and she was off to Italy to save her ex-boyfriend? A Bella who existed without Cullen—Jacob's Bella—could never do something like that. Jacob's Bella had a knack for putting everyone else first even when she shouldn't.

The setting had changed, and though he was starting to wonder how, it seemed inconsequential. All that mattered was that Cullen was back, and he was grasping at Bella hungrily, was stealing more of her than he ever had before. Jake watched her whisper into the leech's neck, inhale his sickly sweet vampire stench, and he couldn't take it anymore—he punched a tree, phased, ran so fast that he could only make out the blurs of trees as he sped past them.

One minute soil and leaves were beneath his padded feet, and then he was himself again—the Jacob who hadn't yet lost himself in a tangle of fur and snarls—and he was zooming towards the rez with Bella's wiry arms wound tightly around his waist. He glanced behind him and took in her closed eyes, her cheek pressing into his back. He smiled. "Not bad for a prison break, eh?" He said.

It was much later. Time was skipping forward, jumping torturously to all the moments that involved Bella Swan, to all the times she'd broken him. "I want you to pick me," Jacob said desperately, and when Bella turned and walked away, he wasn't even surprised. She preferred skin like stone—cold and spectral —to skin that gave beneath hers, skin that was warm, skin like _his_.

He persisted against his better judgment. There was a kiss that hadn't counted, a kiss she hadn't wanted but he had _needed_. She gave them so freely to Edward, her lips ripping at his self control, and it stung all the more because Jacob knew his kisses had to be better. _I wouldn't have to fight myself to keep from killing her_, he thought angrily.

Everything was dark suddenly, but he didn't need sight. He could feel Bella curled up in his arms, could smell her and the sickly sweetness of vampire on her skin. Wind whistled against tent poles and Jake realized where they were, had to remind himself that they were lying that way just for warmth but then—_Jacob, my Jacob_. The walls he'd built came crashing down around him because he was her Jacob, and she, though she couldn't quite see it, was his Bella once more.

The tent faded away, and then he was standing outside of it, hearing about an engagement. They were so young, and he didn't want to believe it. The image of her in a white dress, gliding down an aisle was a harder vision to see than the one that had tortured his nightmares for weeks, the one where her skin was a cold marble that sparkled in the sunlight...

It was later but not by much. "Kiss me and come back," she told him. And when they were done, and he held her close to him, it was easy to imagine things were always that way, effortless for them—_comfortable, easy as breathing_. She chose Cullen in the end, but she'd done it so many times before then that he was used to it.

The dream—and now, he was sure that was what it was—shifted to Bella laying on Cullen's couch, her wrist pressed casually to his lips. He reared back and then sank his teeth into her, sucked at her savagely, and she screamed. The way he was drinking from her, Jacob was sure she wouldn't make it, but he was frozen in place, he couldn't save her. Instead he watched her die through tear-filled eyes.

His surroundings blurred then refocused, and he was standing on his porch, looking at a Bella who was colorless, cold. _Please still be Bella_, he thought as she approached with a grace that didn't fit her. _Please_. He couldn't count how many times he'd told her she wouldn't be Bella anymore, but he still found himself hoping he was wrong.

"Friends," she laughed, "you were right—I'm not your Bella anymore."

Her soul, her humanity, her warmth, it was all suddenly and sadly absent. Cullen had taken even the inconsequential things: like the pink in her cheeks, the sound of her steady breaths, her ability to stumble over flat, unobstructed surfaces.

Even things Jake hadn't realized he would miss stood in his line of vision, taunting him. Two children—one girl, one boy—strode up behind Bella, each with black hair and Bella's eyes. "Mom, Dad, come on!" the girl urged.

Bella turned to them with a devious smile. "This is who I am now, Jacob," she told him. And then, before Jacob could think, before he could move, Bella lunged and the two children were in pieces.

Jacob woke with a start.

_in the dead of night, you'll wonder where i've gone  
wasn't it you, wasn't it you, wasn't it you  
that made me run away?_

For Jacob Black, there had never been much to be ashamed of before Bella Swan. The day she strode into his garage lugging broken motorcycles and a broken heart, he had thrown his pride completely to the wayside. Because of her he could unfurl the list of things he wasn't proud of, at the top of which now read _running away_. And beneath that, _being brought back by Edward Cullen. _

Jake had managed a week out in the wilderness - searching for a place so far from Forks and La Push, from vampires, wolves, and clumsy human girls. It was calm inside his head, then. No Bella telling him over and over how selfish she was, no Cullen parading her around as behind closed doors he made plans for her death. There were only thick trees, grass so tall that it swallowed Jake completely, and creatures of inconsequence – insects, raccoons, deer. Until, so suddenly it was like lightning, the stench of vampire found him and Edward Cullen – sparkly visage and all – quickly followed.

"Hello, Jacob," He said, politely. As if they weren't enemies. As if his fiancé wasn't planning to die for him. Jacob's wolf eyes narrowed.

_Here to kill me, leech? _He thought. He squared off against the vampire, gnashing his teeth, preparing for what he was sure was a fight.

"Not today, Jacob," Edward assured him, "I just need to speak to you."

_You can turn around, then_, Jacob spat in his mind, _because I don't want to hear whatever it is you traveled all this way to tell me_. He was lying and he knew Edward could see. Because his curiosity wasn't just his – it belonged to the stupid mind-reading leech the second it reared its ugly head at the forefront of his thoughts.

"As I figured," Cullen said, smirking. And then, savagely, "What is wrong with you, dog?"

Taken aback, Jacob couldn't help thinking. _What is wrong with_ you, _leech_?

"You have sworn never to speak to her once she is like me," – _like I need the reminder_, Jacob sneered - "And then you run off a week before her wedding, before she turns?"

Jacob blinked. He realized, now, what Edward had come to say. _So, in essence, you think I'm being a baby._

"Yes."

He could tell his thoughts were betraying him. As much as he hated to admit it, he was being childish. But did Cullen really have to find him and tell him so? _Thanks for that, he thought, really, did you have nothing better to do? _

"She's not alright with you gone," Edward said. "Come back. Don't leave things on this note."

_She has you to cheer her up, does she not? _Jacob thought viciously, _go back and tell her to be happy with her choice_. And then he bounded off, knowing Cullen wouldn't chase him.

He crossed a state border before his heart stopped him. It beat in protest against his ribs, screaming, "It's _Bella_!" until his paws forced him to an abrupt halt. He had a week, right? One week before she headed for 'Alaska', reeking of poison and dead flesh, still carrying Jacob Black within her.

Jake turned around. One foot fell in step before the other until he was padding onto the rez and Quil and Embry were exchanging glances, calling out to Sam that, "Jake's back!" Forget that he'd disappeared for a week, they welcomed him warmly, threw a t-shirt and jeans at him and told him to change back and eat some dinner. There were no questions, no hard stares, and once he was seated at the table in Emily's kitchen, scarfing down his first real meal in days, it was easy to think his disappearance bore no consequences. Until, at least, Bella appeared in his doorway.

"Hey, guys," She said, smiling and waving to everyone. Then, she turned on Jacob. "Do you think you could come with me for a second? I'm going to _kill_ you."


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N**: Sorry this is late, guys! I have no internet in my dorm right now. :( I'm a reliable fanfic writer, I swear. thanks, again, to majestamoniet for helping me through this.

_run and tell all of the angels _  
_this could take all night _  
_think I need a devil to help me get things right_

The monster that lived beneath the hood of Bella's truck roared as it powered through the rain. Within its cab, Jacob gave Bella a very pointed look – _Are you sure nothing's living under there?_ He wanted to say. _Maybe you should check just to be safe. _Though they'd left the rez 'to talk', there was a timid silence between them that not even the music trilling from the CD player or the squeaking of her windshield wipers adequately covered.

_I'm going to kill you_, she'd threatened. He gulped but the sound was swallowed by the truck's sad attempt at functioning.

"I definitely need to fix this thing up," Jake said finally, when the quiet was too much for him to stand. "It sounds like a cement mixer every time you press the gas."

Bella scowled. "No point, anyway," she said, wrinkling her nose. "Edward's buying me a new car."

Jake coughed. How could he forget? His shoddy repair work could never compete with Cullen's bottomless _wallet_. It was like he and the vampire were playing an elaborate game of chess but Cullen was always six steps ahead. "Right. Silly me. I thought you were attached to this baby."

"Oh, Jake," Bella turned to glance at him for a second before averting her eyes to the road. No other words followed but he knew what she meant: s_top making this so hard_. As if he could. There was a trace amount of bitterness in him that he couldn't get rid of, and it only sat inside him, corroding him.

"You wanted to talk?" Jake said to change the subject. _Not harsh enough_, he decided. "Talk, Isabella." He rolled his eyes at the absurdity of using her real name. She had never been Isabella, had always been Bella, sometimes _Bells_. The name was lead on his tongue.

She raised her eyebrows. "Isabella? Wow." She squinted through the rain ahead. A few more silent minutes passed before, "I can't believe I'm getting married in a week."

Jacob smiled but it didn't reach his eyes. "Is it everything you imagined? Married right out of high school."

Bella honestly said, "No. I thought I'd go to college, of course. Figure out a career. But I'll have forever for that."

"Not for a career," said Jacob, "You'll always look like a girl fresh out of high school. That's what you'll always be."

Bella grimaced. "I could always be a writer. There's no age requirement, no experience needed."

"The writer who never ages? Not suspicious at all."

"Well," Bella said, frowning, "I don't think that's me, anyway."

"What is? It's not like you have any dreams or aspirations besides turning into a leech."

Silence returned, and Jacob remembered a time when they had had too much to say. Endless days in his garage where conversation was easy...

"I don't know."

_Be harsh,_ Jacob reminded himself. "Well, I hope you're not a one-hundred-and-something-year-old vampire when you finally _know_."

He expected it to be quiet, after. He knew she wouldn't have a thing to say, expect perhaps that he was making things _difficult_. _Says the girl who wants to die_, he thought miserably.

What Jake did not expect, however, was for Bella to swiftly pull over to the side of the road. They sat seemingly in the middle of the nowhere with nothing but swaying branches and leaves for company, Bella's eyes getting glassier by the second until she hunched over the steering wheel and cried. He wanted to apologize but for what? Making her see how truly stupid she was being? Not likely. Instead, he reached out and patted her back reassuringly.

"Bells," He used her nickname this time, "Are you okay? Are you sure this is what you want to do?"

"I want _him_," She heaved, "I'm scared to be old, ugly, _even more undeserving_ of him."

This time, he wrapped his arms entirely around her, pulled her in against his chest. "Never say that," He whispered, "You deserve better. He's _killed_ people. How could you ever be undeserving of him?"

"He's a good person, Jake."

Jacob rolled his eyes, though she couldn't see as she cried into his chest. "Right, so good a person that he's forcing you to change yourself?"

Bella scowled. "He's not forcing me into anything."

"This is just like when you came to Forks for your mother—who never asked you to leave her. You decide what's best for people and just do it, even if it damages you. That's selfless, sure, but you need to live for yourself sometime. At least once before you're dying for him."

Bella sounded like she was choking. She coughed and sniffed, leaving wet trails of tears and mucus on Jacob's shirt. Then, finally. "Can you show me how?"

_if heaven and hell decide __that they both are satisfied_  
_illuminate the 'no's on their vacancy signs_  
_if there's no one beside you when your soul embarks_  
_then, i'll follow you into the dark_

Jacob wasn't sure how he'd ended up in such a situation. His phone buzzed with phone calls from Sam and Billy—he'd deal with the voicemails of Sam's roaring protests, Billy's quiet disapproval later—but in the meantime he was only focused on the sleeping girl in the passenger seat of a truck that could barely drive a mile, much less across state lines.

Maybe once he would've told her 'no.' Maybe there had been a point in his life when he could have looked Bella Swan in the eye and disagreed. But that time was so far gone it didn't even make sense to remember it. There was only a present where Isabella Swan said, _lets go,_ and Jacob Black said, _okay, where?_ Neither of them knew where they were driving, just that it was a straight path away from Forks, away from what they had always known. The rest could be figured out later.

"Driving my truck is an honor," she pronounced tiredly, "You better—" _yawn_, "—appreciate it."

Around four the following morning, Jacob pulled into a motel parking lot. He prodded Bella gently in the ribs. "I need to sleep. Motel?"

Bella jerked upright, looking horrified. "Like, a motel room?" she asked.

"No, like a motel ice cream cone," he deadpanned.

Bella scowled and swatted at his arm. "I don't know, Jacob. I hardly think that's appropriate."

"We'll get two beds. I'll even sleep in the bath tub if that's more comforting."

"I don't know," Bella insisted, "Still." But she pushed open the car door and stepped outside. Arm in arm, they strolled into the motel and asked for a room.

First thing, Jacob collapsed on one of the beds and shut his eyes tightly.

"Mine," He said gruffly, hugging a pillow in his arms.

"Nice try," Bella teased, "but the tub is yours." Jacob opened one eye to glare at her.

"Wouldn't that make your showers a bit _inappropriate_?" he asked. "Not that I mind."

Bella eyed him sternly. "Behave. I'm engaged."

"And I'm a werewolf," Jacob muttered. "What else is new?"


	3. Chapter 3

_anything other than yes is no  
anything other than stay is go  
anything less than "i love you" is lying_

Morning arrived, and though the blinds were drawn, pale light seeped through. The sky was colored a dreary gray – they'd escaped Forks but they hadn't escaped _that_ yet – and the weather had cooled overnight. Jacob peered down at Bella and wondered if perhaps that was _it_, perhaps that was why she clung to him so desperately. Her legs were wound tightly around his waist, and her fingers were clasped behind his neck, pulling his head gently downward; Jacob decided that she had to be suffering from chills so severe, lying _under_ him was the only solution. But then she smiled up at him, said "Jake," in an unfamiliar, coquettish voice, and he wasn't worried about 'why's anymore.

He glanced at Bella's shirt where it lay forgotten on the carpet. It seemed that she'd shed her inhibitions the minute she'd taken it off and now, this strange, sexual Bella lay where his best friend once had. Jacob had imagined the moment so many times but never like this. For one thing, he had expected to do a lot more begging first. For another, he'd figured she would be a bit more apprehensive. Somehow, she was more sure about things than he was.

Bella looked so serene with her hair spilled against his pillow like silk, her eyelids heavy and beguiling. He had expected to tear off her t-shirt and find a plain cotton bra in white or baby blue but instead, found himself looking at one of black lace and tan trimming that pushed her up and pressed her in. He looked into her eyes, wondering if this was the same Bella who tripped and broke things more often than she visited the dentist. But then he could feel her wriggling awkwardly out of her pants, noticed her hand slam into the bedside table by accident, smiled at the confirmation.

"Are you sure?" He had to ask. Because she was offering him everything he'd ever wanted. Because he didn't want her to regret it later. Because this was Bella Swan, and she was naked beneath him, in a motel room she'd been against getting, and he didn't want sorrow to be attached to what he would do to her so lovingly, what he wanted to do with her for always.

"Yes," she breathed, pressing kisses into his neck. "_Please_." Jake had always been the one pleading, looking at her with desperate eyes. He found that he liked the situation far better in reverse. With three fingers, he pulled her chin up, her face to his, and their lips met – again, _at last_.

These were no ordinary kisses. These were kisses that had been struggling to come out for months, kisses that had been held back for too long. They were kisses that spoke hopefully of a halted engagement, of retained humanity. They would have Cullen to deal with but – no, Jacob shook his head to clear it; vampires had no place in their $75-a-night closet of a shared bedroom.

Jake removed his shirt, and Bella giggled beneath him.

"What?" he asked, frowning and tossing the shirt to join hers.

"I was just thinking how weird it is," Bella said, stifling another chuckle, "that the one time we actually need your clothes _off_, you're the most dressed I've seen you in years."

She stuck out her tongue, and Jacob scowled. "No more talking, Bells," he instructed, but the devilish gleam in her eyes suggested that she would be the one giving commands.

She wrapped her arms around him, rotated their bodies so that _she_ was straddling _him_. "Bells, wha -" he started to ask – this was still so strange to him, despite its wonderfulness - but then she was kissing her way down his body, tugging his pants down, lowering the waist of his boxers..."God, Bella."

Suddenly, she paused, her confidence suddenly muted. "You want me, right?" She said carefully, quietly. He nodded so enthusiastically he was certain he resembled a bobblehead, and she smiled, satisfied. "Good."

Then she reared back, and suddenly her face was shades paler. Fangs extended past her lips, and though he'd never known Cullen to have a set, it seemed realistic that Bella did. When she leaned towards him they sank into the skin on his neck, her lips unyielding and cold against him.

"No!" he protested, struggling to free himself. "No, this isn't right!"

She laughed, and it was like glass breaking. "God, would you wake up?" she asked.

"What?" Her face was blurring in front of him. He blinked, and then the world jerked, and he was clothed, Bella standing at the side of his bed with a worried expression on her face. She was her usual blushing self again.

"That's some nightmare you're having," she said. She sat down at the edge of his bed. "Wanna talk about it?"

"No!" Jacob said too quickly, "No way."

She smirked. "You said my name, and then you screamed. I never knew I was so scary."

"It wasn't you," he muttered.

"What?"

Louder, then, he said, "It wasn't you. He'd changed you, already." He turned to look at the wall. "So, it wasn't you."

Bella cleared her throat. "When I change I'll still be me, Jake. That's what you have to understand. This doesn't have to be our last week together."

He thought about the cold smirk she so often gave him in his nightmares, about her blood red eyes, and shook his head dismissively.

"I'm sorry, Bella. It is." And then he kicked the covers off, headed for the bathroom, and shut the door.

An hour passed. And then another. He knew he'd have to leave eventually, and yet he stood poised with his hand on the doorknob for a half hour before realizing he wasn't man enough and took a seat on the toilet. Bella came and knocked every so often, but he didn't respond, and she, knowing he just needed time, never tried to coax him. Instead, he would listen to her footsteps as she returned to bed and waited. He sniffed. _Good,_ he thought viciously,_ let her wait.  
_He had a week before she turned and somehow, he'd managed to accompany her alone on a road trip. This should have been cause for celebration, but so far Bella had cried, they'd slept, and then he'd had a nightmare and locked himself in the bathroom. He held his face in his palms. They were off to a terrible start.

She was going to get married and change herself all to be with a permanent teenager who lived on a diet of animal blood. At the same time, she thought the transformation would suddenly make her adequate, as if she wasn't more than that already. The situation seemed irreparable. She would give up her life, and Jacob would lose her. _The end_.

When he was done crying and beating himself up for doing so, he pushed the door open and found Bella sitting on the floor across from him, fast asleep against the wall. The second she heard the door, she jumped up. "Jake!" She got to her feet. "Y – were you crying in there?"

Jacob wiped at his eyes self-consciously. "No," he lied. Bella crossed her arms, frowning.

"Sure, sure." She grabbed him by the arm, pulled him over to his bed, and pointed at it to indicate he should sit. "We don't have to talk about that little temper tantrum you just threw. But when I change, I refuse to let you give up on me. Couldn't you at least try to talk to me?"

"What part of _it won't be you_ are you not getting, Bella?"

"The part where you actually believe that!" she snapped. "I don't want to lose you."

His heart skipped a beat, and even though she'd said it before, told him how much he meant, how hurt she would be if he were no longer in her life, it hit him the same way it first had. "Then don't change. Think of Charlie, think of Renee, think of me! Think of the future you should have that you never will: kids, a _real_ college experience, a career instead of a job. And please, _please Bella_, reconsider."

She sighed. "I'd be lying if I said I wasn't thinking of those things."

"And?"

"And," she said, "I don't know any other way to be with him but to give all that up. Relationships are about sacrifice."

He was begging again, and he hated how whiny he sounded, how weak. "Bella, that's too much of yourself to give up. Please! If he loves you, he'll be with you no matter what."

Bella held up a hand. "Stop Jake," she said. "This is the only way. Please...understand."

He stared as if watching a car crash. Then, "I have to call Sam."

* * *

_you are calm and reposed, let your beauty unfold  
pale white, like the skin stretched over your bones  
spring keeps you ever close, you are second hand smoke_

Jacob wished he existed in a place where underage werewolves had more than just a few choices. Better yet, he wished he existed where there were no Quileute legends, no cold ones, and most of all, no alphas to report to. He looked at the sky hopefully, but the need to call Sam still tugged at him until he was removing twenty-five cents from his pocket and sliding it into the slot of a motel payphone.

It rang once, twice – "Hello?"

"Hey, Sam," Jacob said cheerfully. "It's me, what's up?"

There were a few angry exhales on the other end. "Jacob Black, where are you?" Sam said evenly.

"No pleasantries then?" This time Sam growled, and Jacob had the sense to quit making jokes. "I'm in Vancouver for now."

"With Bella Swan?" Jacob could hear Paul and Embry hooting and hollering in the background. Even Leah's silent scowl came through, somehow.

"Maybe."

Sam sighed. "I swear, when Bella Swan is involved, all sense jumps out the window."

Jacob was trying not to be sarcastic but his mouth wasn't within his control anymore. "Not _all_."

"What are you doing, Jacob?" Sam finally asked, though Jake was sure he'd been thinking it since he answered the phone.

"Changing her mind. You don't see her. When she's with him, she's this delicate flower who won't even breathe if he doesn't agree with it, but when she's here with me, she's different. She's strong."

"She," Sam said soberly, "has made her choice."

Jake crossed his arms and frowned. To him, Bella hadn't made her choice until she was standing at an altar dressed in bridal silk. "She really hasn't."

"She's already leaving us with the uncomfortable task of deciding to honor the treaty or not. I'm tired of seeing her hurt you. _And she's not your imprint_." Jacob was nearly snarling at the words. Imprinting was just one more thing that robbed him of the luxury of choice. At the very least, he had thought that the person he loved wouldn't be dictated by legend and folklore.

"Maybe that's because I already got it right." Jacob always had to be the defiant one. Perhaps it was because the alpha job was meant to be his. Perhaps two alphas – one named officially, one resisting the pull of his birthright – couldn't exist in one pack.

"I'm not going to order you to come home," – _good,_ Jacob thought viciously,_ because I would've found a way around it –_ "but I hope you figure out what a lost cause is."

When Jacob returned to the room, his expression was severe. He looked appraisingly at Bella – the girl who could soon be the _thing_ from his nightmares – and wondered how she could wish for immortality, wish to be frozen as her adolescence was finally coming to a close. She would never look like a thirty-year old businesswoman or a forty-year old soccer mom. How did she not have the same dreams Jacob did? Couldn't she see the minivan, the lunchboxes, the dark-haired children tugging at their arms?

"I love you," he told her, simply and without any expectations this time. He didn't say it to give her an option – she already knew she had one. "If I thought you'd be happy with him for the rest of forever, I wouldn't be fighting so hard."

"I will be, Jacob."

"A teenager forever?" He verified, "Your choice in careers limited? No children?"

"I wanted those, yes. But Edward –"

Jacob shook his head. "Forget Edward. What do you _want_ Bella? What things will you miss?"

"Your friendship," she started, causing Jacob to scowl darkly, "My parents. I'll miss the feeling of falling asleep after a long day. Maybe, I'll wish I had figured out what I was good at and pursued a career in it. Or maybe even, I'll figure it out and wish it could have been done. I wish children were possible. I always wanted a little girl to have piano recitals and dance ballet – and hopefully she'd be better at it than I was when I was little. But these are mostly maybes. What I _know_ is that I can't live without him. That's what's important."

"Your life is important," said Jacob, but he knew there was no reason he could make her see. Her love for Edward had blinded her, and neither this trip, nor any other, would show her the mistake she was making until it was too late. His watch beeped to alert him that check-out was in ten minutes. He breathed deeply to steel himself, but sadness leaked out of him no matter how many times he inhaled. Defeated, he turned to leave. "You only live once, Bells. And forever is a long time to have regrets."


	4. Chapter 4

_man, oh man, you're my best friend  
I scream it to the nothingness  
there ain't nothing that I need_

Jacob's forehead pulled in concentration. Frowning, he said, "I think it's a checkered shirt."

Bella rolled her eyes. "Yeah, but what do you _think_ of it?" She'd already posed the question but Jacob wasn't quite understanding.

"I think you have twelve others just like it in your closet," he said. Considering their road trip had been unplanned, neither one of them had thought to pack an extra set of clothes. An outlet mall nearby was the only thing keeping them from turning around and heading back to Forks. Jacob had convinced a Bella who hated to shop – the fact that she was her own weird species of female was not lost on him – to let him stand outside the dressing room and give his 'guy opinion' on her wardrobe choices.

She glared at him. "So?"

"So, you're fresh out of high school and getting married in a week. Don't you want to go for something different?" He yanked a shirt off a nearby rack and threw it at her. "There, maybe you like lace and don't know it?"

She looked revolted so he was thinking, _probably not_. He removed a cream top with thin navy blue stripes off the rack and gave it to her hesitantly.

"This, maybe?"

She eyed it as if expecting it to mutate. "Maybe," she agreed.

Bella disappeared into the dressing room, and Jacob could hear the flurry of fabric as she changed. When she came out, he couldn't help but grin. The look wasn't worlds different from her usual, but it stood out when he was so used to her in shirts that reminded him of truckers. "Wow."

She blushed. "I thought so, too."

"Definitely get that then. Any chance of me persuading you into a skirt?"

She laughed. "Not in this lifetime, Jacob Black."

Bella ended up choosing a comfortable pair of straight-legged jeans. She paid for her items and then, turning to Jacob, she said. "So, your turn. Can I see you in something other than shorts in earth tones?"

"I wear jeans, too!" he said defensively. He pushed the door open, and they stepped outside. "And shirts in a wide variety of tones, thank you."

"Once a week, you mean?" She pointed at his current outfit – a brown t-shirt with dingy green cut-offs – as if it proved something. "Let's see you in a button down. Something _classy_."

"Are you implying that I don't appear to have class, Bella?"

Ignoring him, she pointed at a men's store across the parking lot. "There! _Classy_."

He continued to defend himself, as she dragged him into the store and started picking up shirt after shirt and pair after pair of pants. She muttered, "I always wondered why Alice enjoyed fussing over me."

Ironically, the first shirt Bella had him try on was _checkered_. "I think you have a top exactly like this, Bella," he said, scowling, "There is no way I'm wearing this."

"We can match!" She said – and for a minute, the idea of wearing a top he hated didn't sound so bad – but then, blushing, she caught herself. "I mean, um, why don't you try this one instead?"

When he left the store grumbling, Jake had a plain blue t-shirt, a leather jacket that Bella claimed made him look 'edgy,' and a pair of jeans identical to ones he already had in his closet.

"I don't see why you're complaining," she insisted, "when I paid for everything."

He raised an eyebrow. "Don't you mean Cullen paid for everything?"

"You grouch. He gave me the money, which makes it _mine_."

Jacob made a face. "Sure, su –," He stopped talking when a short redhead approached them.

"Hi!" she said with a wave. She wore a pink shirt with Greek letters on it – probably for whatever sorority she was a part of – and had a handful of flyers. "You guys wanna come to a party tonight? It's at the Zeta Pi Omega house at WSU."

"No," Bella said.

"Yes," Jacob said.

Bella turned to him. "My wedding is in under a week and –,"

"Let me guess," Jacob said, smirking, "a party would be inappropriate?"

"Well, yeah."

All the girl seemed to have gathered from the conversation was that Bella and Jacob were not together. "So you guys are like friends, right?"

Bella crossed her arms and frowned. "Yes, we're friends."

The girl brightened. "I'm Lexi," she said as if to both of them, though her smile was directed at Jacob. "I'm one of the sisters throwing the party. You should really come out. It's gonna be wild."

"I'm Bella. We don't really need a wild time out. Thanks though," she said a bit unkindly.

The girl blinked and then turned back to Jacob. "But you'll make it, right?" she asked, ignorant of the fact that Bella had used the pronoun 'we'. "I'll dance with you."

Jacob laughed. "I was gonna come either way, but I'll take you up on that. I'm Jacob."

"Alright," she said, handing him the flyer and looking smug. "I'll see you then, _Jacob._"

"See ya."

"I don't think her job extended past handing us the flyer and leaving," she said, once Lexi was out of earshot.

"It's called customer service, Bella."

"Oh yeah?" she said indignantly. "I think she was going a bit above the call of duty. _I'll dance with you_. Really, Jake? Are you blind?"

"Nope," Jacob said, his lips spreading into a grin, "Are you jealous?"

"_What_?"

He shrugged. "You seem awfully annoyed."

"That," Bella said evenly, "is because she was an annoying girl."

"I don't have to go to the party, Bella. Admit that you're jealous, and I won't go."

Bella stamped her foot. "I'm _not_!"

"Okay," said Jacob. "I guess I'll be going then. And I have a nice, new, _edgy_ leather jacket to come with me."

"I'm not letting you go there alone, Jake. That girl is going to date rape you."

He grinned. "Then come with me."

Bella stalked in the direction of her truck. "Absolutely not, Jake."

* * *

_they say that anything can be replaced  
found another girl to pass the days  
she is beautiful, she has your face_

Bella went to the party. Jacob couldn't help feeling smug as a pouting Bella walked through the door with him. _She was jealous_. It was obvious in the way her eyes fell on Lexi immediately, the way she moved in closer to Jacob—although this did nothing to bridle the sorority girl's enthusiasm; she ran to Jake and tip-toed to give him a hug.

"You came," she said in his ear, alcohol on her breath.

He shivered. "I said I would."

"Get a drink with me?" He allowed himself to be tugged towards a table with cans of beer, leaving a furious Bella standing by the door. A tall bottle of Long Island Iced Tea stood at the corner surrounded by an army of blue cups. Lexi stepped behind the table and gestured at the drinks. "What would you like?"

"Are you the bartender for tonight?"

She looked at a clock that hung on the wall. "Only for five more minutes, then Chloe takes over. Don't worry. You'll get that dance I promised you."

It felt so good to be wanted for once, to be pursued. Admittedly, Jacob was caught up in this girl's flirting. He spared a glance at Bella and was satisfied to see her glaring at the ceiling. She was getting married after all. He needed to start worrying about _his_ life since she seemed so determined to end hers.

At the motel, he had begged some, pleaded some, and finally given up. Bella had seemed eager for things to return to normal, to the ease that existed outside of the constant battle for her soul, and eventually, Jacob had stopped being angry. Now it was her turn, and why should he care how she felt about a college girl flirting with him? Sam was right – she'd made her choice.

"Whichever will get me drunker," he said.

"That would be the iced tea." Lexi filled his cup to the top. "Careful there."

Jacob wanted to laugh at the mere suggestion that he would be getting drunk. He loved the way she said _careful_, the way she made him feel wanted. "Take a drink with me?"

"Okay." She filled her cup one-fourth of the way. "That's like a shot, right?"

Jacob had no idea how much constituted a shot. "Yeah, yeah."

"Okay, so, one...two...three!" Jacob chugged a little bit – if one-fourth of the cup was a shot, he was up to three before he stopped. He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand.

"Sad thing is," he said, "that did nothing to me."

"Aww," Lexi said, making a face, "I'm a lightweight, myself. Here, have some more."

Jacob was finishing his refilled cup when Bella finally joined them. "I might have to tell your father about this."

"I think," Jacob said, "that no matter what I do, I will never compare to the girl who is ditching college to marry her _vegetarian_ boyfriend."

"Is there something wrong with vegetarians?" Lexi asked, frowning.

"No," Bella said pointedly, "_Nothing_ at all."

Lexi shrugged. "Whatever, my shift here is up." She held a hand out. "How about that dance, Jacob?"

Jake looked at Bella. "Can I?"

"You don't need my _permission_."

He shrugged and allowed himself to be led out to the middle of the floor. Lexi turned to face him, bouncing on her heels. She shimmied slightly and Jacob was immediately aware that he'd never done this before, had never danced at a college party with a girl who would've been out of his league if he hadn't been a werewolf. He'd been so caught up on _Bella, Bella, Bella_ – being a normal teenager who partied and danced with girls was entirely new to him. Stiffly, he swayed from side to side, and she laughed a little.

"I know a man like you," she said, her eyes looking him up and down, "and I emphasize _man_, can move better than that." She turned so that he was facing her rear and Jacob was suddenly mesmerized by the movement of her hips as she backed into him. His hands rested on her hips, feeling the circular movement they were making.

"You betcha," he said distractedly. She raked a few fingers through her hair, laughing, and Jacob found that he enjoyed the sound of her laughter – he enjoyed how carefree it was, how alive she sounded. He'd grown so accustomed to living in a world of legends that turned out to be true and phasing and imprints, he'd forgotten how much fun it was to live in one without those things, in one where the girl wasn't planning her death.

His hips moved in time with hers and soon their bodies were touching, his breath was in her ear, their fingers were twined. "See," she turned to whisper it to him, "I told you."

He looked over at an unhappy Bella, who was leaning against a wall with her arms crossed. _Bella is dying_, he reminded himself_, Lexi is living._ He tried to focus on the smell of Lexi's shampoo as it wafted from her long brown hair, on the fire she was setting to his body as she moved against it. She was older and beautiful and – _Bella is dying_.

It was useless. Perhaps what he felt for Bella Swan wasn't gravity, but it was close enough, possibly stronger. He lay a kiss on Lexi's cheek. "I'm gonna go see my friend over there," he told her. "I don't think she's having very much fun."

Lexi turned, and he could see how disappointed she looked. "Oh, no!" she said, her voice slurring a little finally as the alcohol hit her, "No, noooo, Jacob, no, no, please!" Each no was a different octave. She smiled hopefully, but Bella was still visible out of the corner of Jake's eye.

"Maybe later."

She pouted, and Jacob couldn't stop himself, he thought, _how cute_. She pulled her phone out of her pocket, swaying as she did so. "Can I at lea-a-ast get your phone number?"

"Er," he said, "I don't really have a cellphone. My dad is from the stone age."

"Home phone," Lexi insisted. So he gave it to her, and as he started to walk away and felt her slip her phone number into his palm, he made sure to pocket it _just in case._

"You're having fun," Bella said when he reached her.

"But you're not," he told her, "Lets go."

Bella seemed about to convince him to stay before she thought better of it. "Okay."

Neither of them said a word for a while. It was a silent walk back to her truck, just the quiet padding of feet, Bella's animated sighs. Finally, she asked, "Did you imprint on her?"

"_What_? No, Bella."

She snorted. "Sure seemed like it. I've never seen you give anyone that kind of attention."

"Correction," he said matter-of-factly, "you've never seen me give anyone other than you that kind of attention. And anyway, you're engaged – in fact, so engaged, that you're planning to become a bloodsucker – so why do you care so much?"

Bella was pensive for a second. And then, as she and Jacob turned into the College parking lot and piled into her truck, she finally answered. "I don't know. But maybe that means something."


End file.
